


It's dragging me down

by OsamuSa



Series: Hansol Vernon Chwe hurt/comfort [8]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band), SHINee
Genre: Chwe Hansol | Vernon-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, It's kinda sad, Panic Attacks, Poor vernoni, Sad with a Happy Ending, all members are there, hug, key and minho are very sweet, mental health, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:42:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28410330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OsamuSa/pseuds/OsamuSa
Summary: Vernon has a massive panic attack and his members aren't there, so key and minho step in.~~~
Relationships: Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Everyone
Series: Hansol Vernon Chwe hurt/comfort [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915885
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	It's dragging me down

**Author's Note:**

> maybe the panic attack wasn't accurately, medically well defined. Sorry for that but I still hope it conveys my message across.
> 
> Mentions of self-harm and panic attack and anxiety. Please don't read if you feel the same way since it can trigger you.  
> A big hug to all those going through a hard time, I hope you find the light at the end of the tunnel.

He watched them stand by and talk with Bangtan. The members laughing and joking along with members of BTS.

He glanced at the four 97 liners speaking with Seungkwan and Dino. He saw RM talking with Seungcheol, Jimin with Jeonghan, V with Joshua, and Suga with Woozi

Jhope was listening to the animated expressions of Jun while Hoshi laughed at the rather exaggerated expressions.

Wonwoo and Jin looked kind of serious as compared to others but he knew the two were probably discussing some book they had read.

He felt left out and alone. Even though he knew his members didn't mean it by leaving him out of conversations but his naturally awkward self failed to form a strong bond with any of the BTS members making him feel left out.

His mind started playing tricks on him, whispers resonating in his mind on how his members hated him. How his members might feel that he was a burden. He felt sick knowing that most of the time it was due to him that they weren't able to enjoy their lives. It was as if the members were stuck caring about a ridiculous boy who was way too broken to keep living on his own.

He couldn't stop the thoughts from plaguing his mind neither could he stop the increasing blurriness in his eyes. His throat felt too heavy to swallow. His cheat started aching at the overwhelming feelings. He wanted to reach out to any one of them and ask them to look at him and give him some attention, to speak with him, to hold him down from merging with his thought, to smile at him and give him that look that makes him feel protected.

But he didn't want to appear rude to his seniors, he didn't want his group to get ashamed in front of the other groups which were milling around them, both senior and junior. He didn't want to burst into tears in front of the junior groups. He didn't want to disturb the happiness of his members, of his brothers. And with that final thought in his mind, he scurried away from there, hoping no one had seen the single tear that fell out of his eyes.

He was able to pass the other groups and finally arriving at a secluded part of the SBS building where he didn't see any staff or groups. He pushed open a waiting room and slipped inside, closing the door on his way in.

He felt breathless, his palm fisted his shirt against his heart. He couldn't hear anything except the ringing in his ears. He couldn't see anything but the blurry image of the single couch in a small room.

Lacking enough energy to keep standing, he dropped down on the floor, falling hard on his knees. No sounds could escape him. He felt stuck, he tried to shout or scream but it was as if someone had silenced his voice. He wasn't heard. He clutched his fingers around his throat, pressing his fingers tight around the flesh trying to squeeze a sound out of him but nothing worked.

He heaved and groaned in pain, breathing quick and heavy, tears paving their way down his face. His heart clenched in the feeling of terror, he would die today, he didn't want to live like. He can't live like this. Every single day was a new form of pain, he wanted desperately for this to end, he wanted to feel happy, he wanted to feel normal, to feel good.

Goddamit!!

Finally after what felt like forever he was able to whisper out a noise, "Hy-Hyung..." He cried at the lack of comfort around him, lack of warmth around him. He didn't have his members with him, they don't care about him, they never loved him, he was a burden on them and they truly wish to be rid of this burden. He knew it, he knew that their lives would be so much more better without him around. He wasn't needed. It's not like he gave anything to the team, he was useless.

He was useless. A noise finally strangled out of his throat, a scream filled with raw pain finally pierced the undisturbed room. Loud sobs filled the room as he scrambled to remove his coat while his nails scratched his skin furiously whimpering curses at his existence, skin turning red at the harshness exposed to it.

He screamed in fear as hands grabbed his arms trying to stop him from scratching his already injured arms. He tried to get away from the stronghold around him, whimpering at them to let him go, sobs breaking his form. His fingers were forcefully moved from his arms as someone whispered something into his ear but he was too scared and too tired to care about anything.

Finally, exhaustion settled into his system as the sobs reduced slowly, his throat letting out soft whimpers of pain breaking the heart of two men who had found the younger, and slowly he drifted out, his body falling limp in their arms.

  
**~~~**

Key and Minho were MCing the show and were finally able to break free from the groups who wanted to talk to them. They were very tired to continue the conversations and slowly drifted away from the packed hallway.

Minho let out an irritated sigh, ignoring the sympathetic look boring at him from his best friend.

"It's okay Minni, let's just take the back entrance," Key nudged the other, slipping his hand in the others and squeezing in reassurance, "I already informed the manager."

Minho merely nodded letting his other hand run through his hair. The two were very tired after speaking and energizing the groups for over five hours. It had drained their energy and all they wanted was to take a warm bath and slip onto their beds.

But just then they heard a low scream from inside one room. The rawness of the scream had them stilled in their tracks, hearts breaking for whoever had called out in pain. They shared a look of concern and cautiously walked toward the room that the voice had come from.

"Minho careful," Key whispered as the other slowly pushed down the handle and was shocked to his bone at the sight before him. His hand still on the handle as his mind was burned by the sight before him, engraving it in him forever and opening old wounds that he had tried so hard to sew up.

Key was confused at his brother's reaction and peeked in as well, his face lost all his color suddenly as his throat let out a whimper at the scene. He rushed forward with his brother and tried to stop the person from trying to scratch the semi healed wounds on his arm that were clearly the recipient of self-infliction.

They were bomb shelled when they saw the face and figured out the member of seventeen.

Key had tears in his eyes as he tried to grab the hands from scratching any further. Minho wrapped his arms around the younger and tried to keep a firm hold on the screaming and thrashing young boy.

Key whispered reassurances in Vernon's ear but the younger seemed out of his mind as if he heard or saw nothing and that freaked the other two out and very soon he felt limp in their arms. His face still constricted in pain, hair matted with sweat and tear tracks visible on his face.

Minho looked up at the crestfallen face of his brother, "Bummie, yah! Key looks at me!" He shouted at the other. Minho knew the boy in his arms bought up many memories for both of them but he didn't want his brother to slip up now, he needed the other.

Key looked at Minho, his eyes filled with agitated tears, his palms soothing the raw skin of the younger's arms, caressing them slowly.

Minho was surprised to wipe his wet face, unknowingly that he had cried as well, and reached into the pocket of the younger. And after a while, he found the phone and switched on the screen to find over 100 missed calls from his members. He wasn't able to on the phone because of the password.

"Key can you please call Hoshi?" Minho looked at his brother who was still whispering soothing words into the ears of the younger, tears falling through his eyes.

Minho's heart broke at the sight of his brother but he knew he had to be strong among the pair and swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and cleared it.

"Hey key, love, can you please call Hoshi?" The other nodded and tried to quickly remove his phone from his pocket, fumbling it in his hands and struggling to switch it on but Minho didn't want to say anything when he knew how this had affected the other. He patiently waited for the other to call.

"Here," key croaked out, handing him the phone when it got connected. Minho grabbed the phone while Key wrapped his arms around the other and bought the younger in his embrace, holding him tightly as if the other would disappear. He knew the thoughts of his brother had gone deep.

"Hoshi, we found Vernon. We are in Block B, first door. Hurry," He cut the call and looked at his brother, who was swinging back and forth on his heels, the younger placed on his lap, his face settled between the shoulder and chin of the older.

"Key," Minho whispered, his voice breaking.

"No no no no, please no," Key whispered repeatedly, tightening his hold around the other.

He could only sit there behind his brother, giving him as much support as possible.

Minho jerked his head up when the door slammed open and he found 12 boys heaving, eyes wide and terrified. Their sight settled on to the trembling form of the older.

Minho nudged Key to move away but he only tightened his hold further.

"Key..."

It was Jeonghan who had stepped forward, his eyes red and puffy. He went to grab the younger from Key's arms when he was met with a glare from the other.

"Hyung?" Jeonghan murmured his eyes filling up with tears again, the hyung line standing right behind him, their eyes trained on their youngest.

"Key, Bummie," Minho whispered softly trying to move the other but was shocked with the whimper that broke out of the other.

"Hyung give me Vernon." Jeonghan said more sternly trying to pull the younger out of his arms, as Minho pulled Key back, his sobs piercing the room with rawness as he repeatedly screamed, "No no no no no!"

Jeonghan was finally able to get the younger and immediately tightened his arms around the other as tears fell out of his eyes.

The other members were still eyeing Key, worry lingering in the air.

"KIBUM THAT'S ENOUGH!" Minho finally screamed as he grabbed the other's face and made him look in his eyes, "That's not Jonghyun Hyung..." He choked out, his voice barely heard as he pulled the other in a tight hug.

It was the most painful sight anyone could see, Jeonghan holding Vernon, pressed tightly against him while Minho held the shaking body of Key equally tight.

Hoshi finally stepped forward and dropped on his knees, gently cupping Vernon's face and giving a kiss to his forehead. His eyes burning with tears but he held them back nonetheless.

It took a long while but soon all 15 were seated on the ground in calmness. Key staring at Vernon, his eyes focused on the younger, barely blinking.

That was when Jeonghan felt the slight tremor in the Younger's body and immediately pulled back. All the others were attentively looking at the boy held in Jeonghan's arms.

A small sob escaped his throat as he tried to pull away from the older, "Sollie it's me, Hannie Hyung. Baby, please look at me." He mumbled holding the other's face in his arms and not letting him go until the younger had stopped shaking.

"Hy..Hyung?" A small voice croaked out, eyes filling up again at the small smile that Jeonghan had given.

"You're here, you didn't leave me," He whispered again as he looked at all the members seated around him.

"Yeah Sollie, of course, we are here," Jeonghan mumbled giving a soft kiss to his forehead.  
"We were looking for you everywhere Sol, we couldn't find you. We were very worried Sol, w..we thought that something bad happened." Seungcheol croaked out, cupping Vernon's face in his palms and giving a kiss as well.

"Y-you don't ha-hate m-me?" Vernon sobbed, trying to scratch his arms again but Jun held his palms tightly, giving him a kiss on the back of the palm.

"Of course not aegi!" A few murmurs reached him as well, everyone rejecting his thought.

"You-you lo-love me?" He fearfully asked as the youngest two moved forward and gave a kiss to each of his cheeks, "You are our life Sol, We love you more than anything else in this world!" Seungkwan mumbled against his cheek.

Vernon couldn't help but sob at the sudden feeling of relief that flooded in his system. His brothers didn't hate him, they loved him. They love him.

But his fears weren't settled yet, "But I'm burden...I'm always so weak and sad and I'm such a burden," He choked out despite the voices that were rejecting him, "I'm a burden, wouldn't your lives be better without me." Jeonghan whimpered in pain as he tightened his hold around the other, "Don't ever say that Sollie!"

"Sol you are not a burden," Joshua spoke up running his fingers through Vernon's hair and leaving a small kiss on his hairline.

"Hansol we love you, you are our brother, we never felt as if you're a burden," Minghao whispered, his lips meeting Vernon's hands that reached for them.  
"We love you and want to take care of you Sollie," Wonwoo mumbled, his face showing enough pain to hurt even the onlooker.

"Baby, please promise us you will not do this again. Please Sol," Woozi whispered his voice stern but his eyes were also puffy showing his emotions as he wrapped his arms around the back of Vernon.

"Promise us you will talk to us whenever you feel like this, don't ever run away from us!" Jeonghan told caressing the said boy's hair.

"I love you so much, Noni!!" DK screamed throwing his arms around Jeonghan and Vernon and burning his face in the elder's neck.

Vernon couldn't help but sob out, he felt way better than he felt earlier. The world didn't seem that bleak anymore. He didn't feel as if he was dying anymore. He didn't feel hollow, he didn't feel broken nor did he feel as if he couldn't breathe. He whimpered in the safety of the 12 pairs of arms that wrapped around him. His brothers were there. They love him and they want to take care of him.

Jeonghan's heart pierced in pain and guilt for not being there for his baby when he needed him. He opened his eyes and look at the two seniors who sat before them, they watched the scene with tears in their eyes as a small smile of relief graced their faces.

Obviously, they had them to thank. Jeonghan didn't want to think what would've happened without shinee sunbaenim.

"Hyungs, " Jeonghan croaked out but no voice came out, clearing his throat, and tried again, "Hyung."

The others soon registered his voice and looked at the seniors and moved back giving them their full attention.

Vernon turned around to see who was there. His eyes widened in shock, breathing becoming heavy, his fingers which were fisting Jeonghan's shirt trembled.

Jeonghan noticed the changes and immediately bought the younger back in his embrace, pushing his face in the crook of his neck while placing Vernon's palm flat on his heart, "Hear that Noni, can you breathe with Hyung baby," He whispered softly ad he bought the boy back up instructing him to breathe.

All 14 of them held their breath, scared that the younger would pass away again but under the calming voice of Jeonghan and soft touches of Seungcheol, he came around and relaxed again.

"Are you okay now Sollie?" Seungkwan asked softly running his fingers through Vernon's hair and applying pressure on his scalp. Vernon hummed in contentment and sagged against Jeonghan, "Yeah, Thank you hyungs," He whispered, his voice soft.

Jeonghan smiled at his dongsaeng and placed another kiss on his head.

Hoshi was still watching their sunbaenim, heartbreaking at the pain in their eyes. He wanted to go hug them and so that's what he did.

Hoshi got up from beside Vernon and walked over to the two. Everyone watched him in confusion, waiting to see what he does.

Minho looked at Hoshi curiously but soon understood when Hoshi wrapped his arms around Key and bought him in a tight embrace, "Thank you so much Hyung," he repeatedly mumbled his gratitude while Key held the other just as dearly.

Minho wasn't that close with Seventeen as Key was which is why he was surprised when Hoshi pulled apart and looked at him giving him a small smile and opening his arm wide. Minho gave a small smile in return and embraced the other as well.

Key didn't know why he behaved like this a while back, he was sure that he was going to drain back to the dark place that he struggled in for months but he felt quite good. Looking at the loving scene of his hoobaes and seeing how Vernon calmed down in their arms and how they gave him so much love filled him with warmth.

"I'm fine Hoshi ya," He whispered softly pulling back from the embrace and ruffled the younger's hair.

Hoshi smiled at him in return and turned to look at his brothers who held soft smiles on their faces. He glanced at the encouraging nod of Woozi and that was enough for him.

Key and Minho got up and approached Vernon when Jeonghan nodded at them.

"Hey Vernoni," Key whispered softly sitting down in front of the other, Vernon's back facing them. The younger slowly pulled back and looked at them, "Hyung?" He whispered softly his hands unfisting Jeonghan's shirt and his fingers playing with each other. He was exhausted, and there was this gleam of sadness in his eyes that hurt Key deeply. His mouth was pursed in nervousness.

"How are you feeling now?" Key held his palm toward the other, he didn't want to make any movements that would cause panic. Vernon looked down at the palm and then he looked at Key, the caring gleam in the older's eye giving him relief. He slowly placed his palm in Key's hand.

"I'm fine, " he mumbled looking up at the faces of Minho and Key, "Thank you hyungs," He croaked his voice breaking due to the lack of use.

"Glad we could help," Key murmured his voice rough, eyes filling up again but he just willed them down and laid his other palm on top of Vernon's.

"Can you promise me something Vernoni?" He asked softly, making patterns on his palm which made Vernon more relaxed.

"Wh-what?"

"Please promise Hyung, that y-you will speak to anyone when you feel like this again. That you won't run away from your members," He whispered, Vernon was shocked at the tears falling from key's eyes and slowly took his other palm up and wiped Key's face.

"Please don't cry Hyung," he whispered softly. Everyone's heart broke at the sight.

"Promise Vernon?" Key rasped, his hands holding Vernon's tightly.

"You can call us if you want, talk to us. Anytime you want, be it 4 in the morning. We will always pick your phone. Okay?" Minho told softly, gently rubbing Key's back.

"Ye-yeah?" Vernon asked not believing it.

"Yeah baby," Key confirmed, nodding his head. He slowly wrapped his arms around Vernon and bought him in an embrace.

Vernon choked down his sobs, whimpering, his arms holding the other close. This was the first time someone had comforted him apart from his brothers and it made him feel wanted and loved. Jeonghan rubbed his back in a calming motion.

"I'll do my best Hyung," Vernon whispered in the end, he didn't want to make promises that he might break but he was willing to try and give all his strength because there were people who were counting on him and ready to hold him if it gets too much. It gave him an overwhelming sensation of relief.

Key was a bit scared knowing this might not be the last time of such a panic attack but he pulled back, satisfied by the answer because he could see how much the younger wanted to try and that was enough for him for now. He then pulled back completely and hastily wiped his eyes and replaced them with a wide smile.

"By the way, I loved your performance today! I'm so proud of you boys!" He gushed admiringly. Satisfied at the happiness that crossed the youngers features.

Minho nodded along with him while the others thanked them. Key shared a look with Jeonghan and conveyed his thought just by his look 'Take care of him. Tell me if something happens'. Jeongahn nodded at him and that was it.

Vernon smiled at the familiar feeling of love for his brothers and the two members of Shinee that managed to touch his heart deeply.

Key and Minho waved them bye and walked towards the door. They gave one last glance and were out of the room. Key peeked in once again and looked at Vernon and smiled, " You did well Vernon, take care, yeah, bye," he waved again and shut the door behind them.

**~~~**

It became quiet after the two left. Each of them engrossed in their thoughts.

Vernon was still seated in Jeonghan's lap looking at the thoughtful faces of his brothers before him. He felt guilty that he was the reason behind this but Seugkwan gave him a short glare making him smile sheepishly.

"Hey Sol, Can I ask you something?" Minghao spoke, his voice breaking the quietness.

He looked at the elder and nodded his head, the other members also looking at him curiously.

"Why didn't you approach any of us at that time? Sollie, why did you think we hate you?"

Vernon looked at them, eyes widening in guilt and pain. He knew why and for some reason he found it stupid.

"I-I felt," he stuttered looking at their faces which looked at him patient, eyes filled with love which encouraged him to continue, "I felt left out Hyung. I thought all of you were ignoring me and I know that was not true but my mind couldn't help but think that way,"

"Oh Sollie," DK wrapped his arms around the younger, "I'm sorry you felt that way but I swear that was not our intention. We met them after a long while and no, No excuses, I'm sorry" He murmured shaking his head in between.

"Hyung I don't blame you all," he whispered back.

"Yeah and we love you Hansol Vernon Chwe!" Mingyu proclaimed wrapping his arms around the younger and bopping his nose.

The 218 bros happily snuggled beside Mingyu and it soon turned into a group hug.

It won't be easy to overcome this, and he knew he will have such an episode again but for now, his heart felt light. It felt too good for him to describe and he knew one day, he will overcome this. But till then and even after then his brothers will always be beside him, no doubt, and that was enough for the shattered pieces of his heart to tape themselves back together.

**~~~**

**4 months later**

The four members of SHINee stood in the hallway speaking with BTS and SUJU, two of the groups who had a comeback recently.

The younger groups milled around and spoke up as well, joking around and making the others laugh.

Key looked around and spotted Stray kids, Ateez, Treasure, Twice, Gfriend, Astro, CIX, Mamamoo, and Kard, all the groups who were performing today at the comeback show.

His eyes took in the friendly interactions of all the idols, heart-soaring in happiness and adoration.

And then he saw them, the group that he had been dying to meet today, Seventeen.

The boys were entering the hallway and finally, he saw Vernon moving his hands around a lot while Jun and Seungkwan laughed at whatever he said.

It was Hoshi who had caught his sight first and soon a huge smile bloomed on his face.

"Key Hyung!" He screamed waving his hand in the air. A few of the idols turned to look but after seeing that it was Hoshi, a major fanboy of Shinee they went back to their conversations, smiling at his cuteness.

Key opened his arms wide and smiled at the comforting warmth that radiated from the younger.

BTS and SUJU stopped their conversations and smiled at the interaction, literally showing heart eyes.

One by one all the members had come and stood there and Key immediately went forward and bought Vernon in his arms, tightening his hold and breathing deeply at the feeling of steady heartbeat, "Hey Vernoni," Key whispered.

It was kind of shocking for other idols because they had never seen Vernon this close with any Shinee members but all four of Shinee had a small smile on their faces, Onew and Taemin also knew about the episode, not all the details though but enough since Key had an episode that night because of it.

"Hyung!" Vernon smiled brightly, his eyes gleaming. It was the gleam that Key hadn't seen before and he was happy to know the younger got that back.

Key moved back and let Minho hug him, followed by Onew and Taemin.

The Shinee members turned to look at SUJU and BTS and bid them goodbye, Seventeen doing the same.

All seventeen and SHINee members went to have a feast in celebration of their successful comeback.

Other than that it was four months since Vernon had harmed himself, the longest he went ever and all of them couldn't have been more happy and proud of their baby. In the end, they knew they will be standing together, no matter what they face in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this was a much more sad fic especially with how I mentioned SHINee and their loss. I'm really sorry about that and I hope people or fans stop putting so much pressure on idols and targeting them. They are people as well and I hope they get all the love that they deserve.
> 
> Thank you, take care.  
> stay safe, stay healthy! Bye <3


End file.
